No life-altering philosophies. No depressing stories. No war crimes or injured puppy pictures. This is where you come at the end of a long day to smile and relax. So sit back, order a refreshing drink and share a laugh with me, your bartender for the evening.
And always remember that age-old, fluorescent green rule of life : An appletini a day keeps the doctor away.


Sunday, April 29, 2012

The Superstar Criterion...


Who's da man of the modern era of Bollywood ? Since the 90's, the typical answer to this one has always been one of the three Khans. Sure, you had the ageless one ( Anil ) and the Greek God in a wheelchair ( Hrithik ), but by default, it always comes down to the Trinity of Khans - the Adonis, the romantic and the perfectionist
.

The thing is : everyone judges them by yardsticks like best acting perfomance, number of hits  and salary. And that's not fair since the first two are subjective and the last one is just dependent on the producer's whimsy. So, I've decided to use a criteria that every guy who has ever passed through puberty ( sorry, Beiber, not your time yet... try again in 2020 ) will agree with. Yes, Ladies and gentlemen, we are indeed applying the MIWAKASHB gene test.

What is the MIWAKASHB gene test, you ask ? 
Blistering barnacles, how could you forget your history lessons, men ? For the MIWAKASHB test, passed on by the ancient Mayan civilisation, has a strong influence throughout the course of mankind. It was what drove Theseus to ride his Hummer bareback and take Helen, what made Caesar turn his jetski towards Cleopatra's Egyptian shores and yes, what made Elvis want to be more than just another Presley. 

The "Man, I WannA Kiss A Super HOT BABE"  is an ancient gene that passes on to a newborn child, via the Y chromosome, thus affecting only the male child. It lies dormant throughout childhood in most cases and then activates itself once puberty hits. Thus, irrespective of whether the child is born in Somalia, Australia and yes, even India, he is equipped with the power of the MIWAKASHB gene. 


In certain cases, such as direct visualization of a picture of Kim Kardashian, the gene may become activated at an even younger age group, before puberty hits ( Again, Beiber and Beiber loving guys are the exception to this dictum... sorry, it's the rule of the ancient Mayans.They specifically mention him. ) 
In effect, It is this gene that gives all boys hope that when they grow up, they will end up marrying a super hot babe... or just get to kiss a lot of super-hot babes.


Now, to be objective, only kisses that are documented onscreen will be allowed in this test. Having a steady girlfriend for years doesn't count as we know that all Bollywood actors just go running around trees and performing synchronized dances with dozens of extras whenever they get close to a girl.

In 3rd place, we have Salman Khan with ...well, nothing. Oh well, he makes up for it with a fine bevy of girlfriends to whom he can send love notes via that geriatric pigeon of Maine Pyaar Kiya.

In 2nd place, well, what a shocker ? A dozen NRI films later and SRK still hasn't gotten to first base. Hmmm.. I don't think we can include the pictures of him kissing those Filmfare trophies in here. ( Insert joke about man kissing 12 inch black rod here. )

And in 1st place, yeeeah !! The perfectionist, Aamir Khan makes a monkey out of his competition with a fine MIWAKASHB score of 4. 
(Final Score : 04 - the Kapoor sisters, Twinkle Khanna and Alice Patten )

 And for that, he gets awarded the .... oh wait, hang on a second. There's a last minute entry. Who could it be. That scraggly fellow there ? Really ? A newcomer taking on the Holy Bollywood Trinity ? 

Let's see what the score is for the dark horse of the race, a Mr Emraaan something something...


Saturday, April 28, 2012

The appletini begins...

There are millions of sites chronicling every day events of the world. There are umpteen news channels that bring you live news feeds as they happen. They are all undoubtedly brilliant. They are all invariably depressing. And that just makes us all the more pissed off at the cosmic injustice of it all.

Well, this is not one going to be one of those brilliant blogs.

This blog is exclusively for those of you who want to relax at the end of a long day. Here, we sit back and talk about stuff that we prefer to talk about - be it funny events of the day, pictures, movies, books or music.

Rather than cribbing about a world gone sour, let's enjoy what the universe does right. I'll be your bartender for the day, lifting your spirits ( pun unintended ) with everything that keeps you smiling and nothing that matters at all.

Cheers to a new beginning.