No life-altering philosophies. No depressing stories. No war crimes or injured puppy pictures. This is where you come at the end of a long day to smile and relax. So sit back, order a refreshing drink and share a laugh with me, your bartender for the evening.
And always remember that age-old, fluorescent green rule of life : An appletini a day keeps the doctor away.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

India's Ideal Next Presidential Candidates are...

Everyone keeps telling me that there is no worthy contender for the title of the next President of India. We have a population of over a billion and yet, we can't seem to find one person competent enough to sit on the fabled throne of India. 
The thing is, I humbly disagree with the opinions of these pessimists. I say, you're just looking in the wrong direction. The problem is you're looking at people sitting in that funny building called the Parliament. Instead, broaden your horizons, cast your net wider, look beyond the obvious... well, you get the picture.

Here's my top 5 candidates who I think would make a swell President for the nation. 

05. Poonam Pandey

  • Pros :
    • Just by promising to undo her undies, she got eleven okay-to-average players to win a World Cup. Can you imagine what she can get a nation to do for her ? ( I meant, besides the obvious ! You naughty boy ! )
    • Unlike other politicians, she did keep her political promise and reveal her true self.
    • Highly motivational. Has proven that having no talents is not a burden. Has also proven that less is indeed more. Even motivated cross border undressing by getting our Pakistani diplomat Veena Malik to do the same. 
  • Cons : 
    • Has some major competition coming up. Even before she could hitch her skirt back up after supporting Kolkata Knight Riders, there's news of another starlet-to-be called Rozyln following her tactics, to show support for her rvial political party, Chennai Super Kings. This could become a trend soon, diluting her USP.
    • The day Sunny Leone behen ji joins politics, Poonam is in trouble. Sorry, but it's just that Sunny Leone is oh-so-much-more motivational to most Indians.
  • Janata ki Adalat : 
    • It's all fine and good as long as they don't motivate any of the present chief ministers ( especially of the states they support ) to join them in doing the full monty. Shudder !

Monday, May 14, 2012

Book review : The Devotion of Suspect X

I love murder mysteries and thrillers where you have to guess who the real villian is. I grew up on James Patterson, Jeffrey Deaver, Micheal Conolly, James Conolly, Harlen Coben and many more modern day masters of the genre. Having said that, THE DEVOTION OF SUSPECT X is, uncharacteristically, neither a murder mystery, nor an action adventure. And yet, it is so much more.

Friday, May 04, 2012

So you think you know art ?

Well, this is really a followup to this post in Godyears where I've put up pictures of paintings and asked people to guess how much you would pay to buy them... If you haven't done it yet, please go there and add in your opinions before coming back here to find out the true worth.

Without further adieu, I give you the answers.

1. Le Bassin aux Nympheas / The water lily pond by Claude Monet sold for Rs 416 crores.

 2. Garcon a la Pipe / Boy with a Pipe by Pablo Picasso sold for Rs 541.32 crores.

Wednesday, May 02, 2012

French Rules !

I love the French. I love their language ( which I can speak not a word of ), the charm of their movies, their aura of mystique, the way they bring romance into anything, be it their cooking, their art or just getting the morning newspaper.
Oh, wait. I'm sorry. Did I say romance ? Uh... well, I'm partly right, i guess.

I came across this article recently.
For those of you who don't want to bother clicking the link, I'll try to provide the highlights in brief.

  • Dominique Strauss-Kahn is the former head of the International Monetary Fund.
  • He was widely tipped to be the next French President before he got caught in sexual assault charges with a hotel maid in USA in 2011.
  • He's appearing in court against charges that he uses $800-a-night escorts.
  • The reply of this 63 year young man to charges that since there were so many and so young women engaging in sex with him, how could he not know they were 'women of the night' ? 
    • a) There were only six... It's normal to have sex with 6 girls at a time.
    •  b) Most of the women I have sex with have the same age difference.
    • c) I could not have known they were prostitutes when I met them because they were all naked at the time.

Sigh.. his wife must be so proud of him. Her prize bull has still got it in him... and he's obviously ready to share it with every gal in town. Six at a time, no less. No wonder it's called French Kiss. Though technically, I think it ought to be called 'French Smack my fanny'. It's funny because more than a decade ago, Clinton was famously telling ( lying to ) us that he "did not have sex with that woman" while Monica Lewinsky was showing off her cigar skills. 
( Ironically, you have to give her credit - atleast she didn't do anything injurious to health - like SMOKE THEM !! ). 

But I think I understand the moral of this story. You need to have strong leaders who RISE TO THE OCCASION if you're going to be a World superpower, isn't it ? Which sadly brings us to the true reason of why we are never gonna be a superpower. I mean, do you seriously see yourself waking up one morning, opening the newspaper and reading about our President Pratibha Patel mouthing these words - "It's normal to have sex with six men at a time. I didn't know they were gigolos. They were just waiting at my jacuzzi in the Rashtrapati Bhavan naked." 

Nope. Ain't never gonna happen. Which means only one thing.

Manmohan Singh's gonna have to be the man who saves our ancient Kamasutra heritage from that French show-off. Who knows ? Maybe this is his true calling in life. He may not speak much ( or at all ), but by the way he's been working out recently ( see picture ), he is obviously our hunky stud muffin politician who's gonna show Strauss and the others how he likes his aloo parotta buttered.   

Viva le Sardar !!